Don't Be Bitter, Be Better - Part Two

FEAR While my kids were with my aunt, I was with a friend Michelle in Elmont. During this time, I learned that ACS was investigating me due to an ongoing custody battle between Julius’s father and I.

I had been awarded full custody of Julius in early of 2015, but once I moved back to Queens, Julius’ father reopened the custody case against, claiming that I had unstable living arrangements. The court ordered ACS to assess the situation.

It had been sometime before I knew ACS was trying to make contact with me because they didn’t have the correct address for me. I met unexpectedly the ACS caseworker at Julius’ school one day while picking him up and she told me that she needed to come to see where we were staying. I gave her my aunt’s address.

Immediately fear came over me. Not because I was doing anything wrong, but because the very thing I vowed to never let happen to my family was the very thing happening to us. I knew the potential of the situation at hand and the threat ACS has had on my family since I was young. I’ve watched the majority of my siblings lose their rights to their children. I was in fear that as hard as I steered away, making better decisions, it was all in vain. I graduated before my high school class and was enrolled in Nassau Community College at age 16. I wasn’t in to drugs, and once I answered the call to ministry and was a minister in training at the age of 20, going to clubs was not even a desire for me anymore. I wasn’t perfect but I strive and still strive to be better!

The next day, October 17, 2016 there was a safety conference. Julius’ father, my aunt, parent advocate, the caseworker and her supervisor, the moderator and myself were in attendance.

They inquired about my living arrangements and I explained why I made the decision for my children to temporarily stay with my aunt and where I was currently staying. I told them that I had found a home but that it was not ready to move in and I had not signed the lease. I even offered for them to come see my apartment.

They then explained to my aunt that my children’s sleeping arrangements on the couch was inappropriate and that because the children were in her care, that any case filed had to be against her also.

ACS told me that without a signed lease I would have a case filed against me in court in favor for the removal of my children. I never felt such pain and agony. How can you decide something like that in one meeting?

I felt as if I was being degraded and punished because I was experiencing a challenging moment in my life.

Why not connect me to temporary housing for my children and I until my place was ready? What about offering a bed since the problem was my sons’ sleeping arrangements? Why not help the family stay together? Instead, they decided to remove my children and split them up. The ACS worker asked me if I was willing to do whatever it took to keep my children. I responded, “Yes.” They jotted down parenting classes and individual and family therapy on a whiteboard. I didn’t think they matched the issue at hand. I made a family arrangement concerning the well being of my children and ACS came in and decided to judge me. It was as if I left my children in a dumpster or on the street somewhere.