Because Of Grace, I Am

When Nicole first asked me to write my testimony, I faltered and procrastinated for some time despite her no pressure, persistent deadline!! However, one of the things that fell on my heart is that God truly has brought me a mighty long way and has been exceptionally good to me and I need to tell of His goodness in my life so that it may bless someone. So here goes my beauty for ashes testimony.

At the age of 18, I was shelter shocked. I’d lived a basically good life (in my eyes at least), obeyed my parents, went to school, got good grades etc. We were raised Catholic, but my Grandmother was a born-again Christian. I loved going to church with her and experiencing a feeling I could not describe other than at peace when I left despite how I entered. My Dad would not allow us to fully commit to her church or another “religion” until completing all the regiments of the Catholic religion, which included First Communion, Confirmation and Penance. Every opportunity I could get I jumped to visit my grandmother’s church and loved the feel of the worship and presence there. I knew that I would not commit to be a Catholic.

The summer I turned 15, my Grandma moved to Canada and I ended up teaching religion classes for a short period. However, the summer of my 18th Birthday things changed. My best friend at the time invited me to a church she was attending while I was away on summer vacation. A couple of friends and myself visited the church and enjoyed the service and visited the church again. On this Sunday, I determined that I was adamantly not going to be saved. Little did I know, God had other plans for me. I remember thinking about everything under the sun, but the Word that was being preached because I had other plans for me that didn’t involve being saved. LOL. Well, at the end of the service, almost on key, my ears tuned into the words that the Minister was speaking, and he said, “If you died today, do you know where you would end up?” Mentally I responded, Well, not really.” Without skipping a beat, the next question was wouldn’t you like to make sure? I remembered looking down at my hands gripping the back of the seat in front of me as if to keep me stationed in one place. Mentally saying Yes, but I’m not getting saved today. However, that was no match for the loving-kindness of God, which drew me to the altar where I surrendered my life to Christ.

It has not been an easy journey for me and writing this causes me to reflect on the days, months, years in between where God proved His love to me. I became a wife and mother within a year of my 18th Birthday, married the Pastor’s son who was a Minister, and one would’ve thought that was the path that God was taking me on, however, we separated after seven months and that separation continued for 17 years finally ending in divorce.

In those years, I survived the results of his outside relationships, walking in places where people knew me or of me before I even met them, rumored children and actual children from those relationships. During all those years, I remembered the goodness of God. Despite the emotional wreck that I felt was going on internally, I had to stay the course and learn of this God who ultimately became my Provider, my Supplier, My Deliverer and My Strength. After 17 years of what seemed like wilderness living: working two jobs, going to school full-time, and going through ups and downs while raising my daughter, I started to see the other side of my story. God took me through a path based on my own stubbornness that my plans would be better for my life than His. In choosing Him, He let me see what it really meant to rely on His strength to care for and guide me. The wilderness experience yielded me spiritual strength, tenacity, and belief in God’s ability that cannot be shaken. In the natural, God kept opening doors of employment for me and ultimately allowing me to not have to work two jobs anymore. Then out of nowhere, a promotion at work. I graduated with a Master’s Degree two years ago while holding a 4.0 GPA. Who else but God could make a way where I couldn’t see any way?

Sure, I went through the brush and thorns, got stuck, tripped, and injured along the way, but that was where God wanted my story to go so that I could see the beauty out of the ashes and learn that leaning on Him does not come without learning to yield and surrender all. I come before you as one that knows no matter what the test or trial, no matter the journey or test, there is another side which yields grace and beauty. Always keep the faith and watch the ashes of the past yield beauty right before your eyes.

BECAUSE OF GRACE I AM.