Don't Be Bitter, Be Better - Part One

Life was no longer as we knew it.

I grew up in Queens NY with my grandma who I affectionately call mom. I was with her from 3 months old and she adopted me soon after. I was raised in church, sheltered and loved. I am the third of seven siblings. All of us, except the youngest, experienced being separated from our mother and split up into different homes. I was the only one who was sent to family. I never wanted to be separated from my family again. I knew how it felt to be separated from those you love. I vowed as little girl that what I went through would never happen to me when I grew up. The irony is that on October 18, 2016, twenty eight years later, I would be in the same predicament I tried to steer away from. I was completely stricken with fear and grief because I was being separated from my two amazing sons, Zahir, 14 and Julius, 11.

My children were removed by ACS because five months earlier, I made a decision to let my boys stay with my aunt for the summer. It was the hardest decision of my life. I'd never been apart from my children; when you saw them, you saw me. But I felt like it was the best decision at that time. It has now proven to be the worst decision I ever made. My children were removed from my aunts home and I was accused of not providing a stable home for them. I was so hurt, felt so degraded, humiliated, confused, helpless, and hopeless. It’s really hard to even describe the pain I felt as a mother. A mother who made so many sacrifices to secure and ensure their future was great!

LIFE HAPPENED

I felt so degraded, and humiliated for being accused of not being able to provide for my

children because it was so far from the truth. I’ve worked so hard and made many sacrifices as a single mother to ensure I provided a better life for my children. I was a full time mother, full time student and worked full time. My children were raised in my grandma’s house, like I was. We all lived together. That home was a safe haven for all of my family and friends since I was a child and I was committed to keeping it that way. My children are simply amazing! They listen, well behaved, smart and boy are they funny. They bring me such joy and I’m honored to be their mom. My children has made me laugh and made me proud. We’ve wiped each other tears, cheered each other up, encouraged each other and hugged each other tight. They’ve seen me fail, they’ve seen me victorious but giving up was never an option. They've kept me on my toes and at times even driven me crazy lol! My children might have outgrown my lap but never my heart! The law is set that we might abide by it, but it’s impenitent to those trying to uphold it. A mother protects her children by all means necessary, sacrifices, putting her children wants and needs before her own and fears of any harm to be done to her children. That is what I am to my children! I am their mother!

Months before my grandmother died in 2011, we tried to do a reverse mortgage so that I could take over the house, but were unable to because of some discrepancies with the paperwork. I was advised not to pay anything on the mortgage until it was straightened out. The house was already in foreclosure prior to her being sick. I was only 23 at the time and really didn’t have the knowledge or support to maintain the house.

After my grandmother passed, I found out that the house was in my name and I inherited all of the bills associated with it. In the interim of it all, I became the foster parent to one of my younger sister’s two children, a 1-year-old and a newborn. Knowing how the system can be, I made an attempt to adopt my nieces. My sister thought that meant I would be taken them away from her and because she so desperately wanted them back, she didn’t see the bigger picture and the risk she was taking by getting them removed from my home and put back in the system. Devastatingly, she has recently lost all rights to my nieces. Panic decision making will have you make mistakes that you will regret later.

About four years later, February of 2015, my children and I moved to Long Island. The house became hard to afford and was still facing foreclosure. I was told it would be easier to do a short sale, if I were not in the house. It was devastating. My children grew up in this house. So I moved to Long Island to a real nice quiet neighborhood in a gated community. But about seven months later my job relocated and I was unemployed. I was unable to keep my new home. Allowing my children to stay with my aunt was feasible. I didn’t want them home alone the summer months while I was at work. I knew I needed to do overtime etc. to save up for our new home. Zahir would not only be next door to where he had to attend summer school but he also was within a five-block radius of where he worked with his godfather for the summer. Most importantly, my boys would have supervision while I was at work and I was able to do what I need to do to acquire our new home. Toward the middle of August, I found a place but unfortunately it was not going to be ready until the end of October. My aunt and I made arrangements for my children to remain with her so they could stay in their schools until we made our permanent transition into our new home.

Stay tuned for part two next week...