I Am My Own Miracle

This story starts back when I was a senior in high school

and of course I was one of those girls who partied, drank and was completely reckless (all the time). I would go to school, work and then party. Towards the end of my senior year of high school, I went to a club and after leaving the party, my friends and I were in my car (warming it up because it was an old car) and it was raining outside but it was a very misty rain. As we waited for the car to warm up, an altercation took place on the side walk, less than ten steps away from us. The altercation ended in one young man getting shot, stumbling to the corner and dying. The other men ran in front my car in to a building across the street. How they didn’t see us, is still a question, we were so close that I saw the fire as the bullets left the gun.

My friends (who were in the car with me) got out of the car to look at the young man who got shot. I stayed in the car, still in shock about what just happened. When I got home that morning, my mother asked me why was I so late. I had to tell her something but because I didn’t want to get in any more trouble, I just lied. I told my mother “when we got out the club, there was a body on the floor” after I said that line, my house phone rang and it was my cousin. She called to tell my mother that one of my distance cousin’s was killed at a club last night. My mother rushed back to me, yelled and said “please don’t tell me, this is the same young man that was killed at your club”? I didn’t know, because I had never met him, I only knew his father, but it was him, it was my cousin, who was a victim of a senseless shooting.

Time went on and I was pulled into grand jury hearings, court appearances, etc. It was during this time I began to have a consistent dream of me walking down a road with no shoes on and when I got to the end the road it became a crossroad. I knew, I was at a point of decision in my life but I would still go to the club with my friends and leave crying. I remember, one time, my friend was like “Renee why do you keep crying”? And I said “because my life is a mess”, I don’t know why I am here, what is life about”. After going through so much with the trial, I became depressed, failed out of my first year of college, and was told I could not attend any CUNY or SUNY college for two years and at that point I fell (mentally) extremely low. My self esteem was gone. For me, I felt that I had to remove myself from the toxic environment I created. So I registered to attend school in Ohio (still depressed and emotionally unstable) and stayed away from returning home on break for three semesters.

When I finally returned home for summer break, I met up with an old childhood friend who invited me to church. Still partying, and at this time I became a club promoter. Promoting parties with my friends every chance I got, but I accepted her invitation and went to church. I remember walking into church with a gold silk pants suit and some leopard strappy sandals on, you couldn’t tell me anything (smile). But that day, changed my entire life, she didn’t know, I was battling with depression, mental turmoil, being betrayed, and questioning my existence, but she extended an invitation to come to church. There is something about being at the right place at the right time!

I got there and when worship began I just started crying (here I go crying again), as I was crying, I saw that same road in my dream but this time when I came to the end of the road it was not a cross road any more, it was one road and ahead of me was a bright light. One of the women next to me (Mama J, I call her) rubbed my back and said “just let God have his way”. I knew at that moment that I needed to give my life to God. I left that summer break baptized, and returned to Ohio and found a church and was filled with the Holy Ghost the end of the summer.

So today, when I lift my hands today to worship God, I remember where God brought me from. I lift my hands with the thought and appreciation that God completely transformed my life. It still amazes me, because I always compare myself to Rehab in the bible, as messy as she was, God still used her to be in the blood line of Jesus Christ.

God has truly blessed me, with finishing college, both a bachelors and a master’s degree, allowing me the opportunity to teach on the collegiate level, having influence in my community, being an executive, most importantly having a tremendously loving husband and blessing us with three beautiful children.

I share this story with you today because this was my ultimate “BeYOUty Unleashed”. Everything that has happened since then, just allowed me to know God better, and know that He was and IS there all the time. So when people ask me “have you ever seen a miracle? My answer will always be yes, I am my own miracle!